We often label people as “bad” based on their actions, choices, or how they hurt others. But I find myself wondering: Were they always this way? Or did they become who they are because no one helped them when they needed it most?

I’ve met people who others wrote off as selfish, rude, or even cruel. But once you hear their stories, the abandonment, the trauma, the isolation, it’s hard not to feel something shift. It’s easy to judge someone’s actions when we only see the outcome. It’s harder to sit with their pain and ask, What happened to you?

Some people lash out because no one ever taught them how to express emotions in healthy ways. Others manipulate because they grew up in survival mode, where trust was a luxury they couldn’t afford. Some push others away because every time they let someone in, they got hurt.

I often ask myself: If I were in their situation, would I have done the same? Probably yes. And I’m sure many people would too. Most of us like to believe we’d rise above, but pain, loneliness, and desperation can shape us in ways we never expect.

That doesn’t mean harmful behavior is okay, it’s not. But understanding where it comes from opens the door to compassion. Maybe we stop asking, What’s wrong with them? and start asking, What did they need that they never received?

We all have moments when we break a little. Some people are lucky enough to have someone help pick up the pieces. Others… aren’t.

So the question isn’t just Are bad people really bad? It’s this: Who might they have become if someone had shown up when it mattered most?